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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,006 Location: Timperley
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Where on earth IS Lyn? Is she still not home from London?
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Has anyone seen the reports of a phantom tyre-slasher in the region of the M25? I mean, we know Lyn isn`t back from London yet....................... She couldn`t be in MORE bother..........................................could she? It`s a jolly good job I was able to thwart her attempts to trim my lighthouse hat.
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,006 Location: Timperley
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I'm pretty sure we will need that hat to search the back alleys of Soho. When do we send the frogmen into the Trafalgar Square Fountains? Or maybe she has been taken on as an apprentice at Vidal Sasoon - mind you, that won't last long, will it?
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Soho?? Soho?? She could get into all sorts of bother there!
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,157 Location: Huddersfield
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So could Jean if she goes looking for her, you know what happened before..... 
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Indeed I do, Doreen, indeed I do! Makes one quite ashamed, doesn`t it?
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009
Posts: 2,127
Location: Thornton Cleveleys
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Just look at the time you guys! Why didn't you come and rescue me?  Anyway I am back, safe but perhaps not sound. Once I get t'water out o' me ears I'll be cooking on gas again right enough. Now, did someone say something about bidding on a cruise liner? That sounds like a great idea  We could cruise the seas, sail with the Pirates of the Caribbean, more fun than you can poke a cutlass at! Let's go guys 
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,524 Location: W. Yorkshire
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 YES I'VE CHANGED, PAIN DOES THAT TO PEOPLE.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 854
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She is back right enough but still brandishing her cutting instrument.  Be afraid, very afraid if she wants to cut your hair! 
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,006 Location: Timperley
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Do NOT under any circumstances, mention our latest venture to Lynn. Remember, careless talk costs lives! Ever since the Archbish pinned her up by her ears to the top of the organ pipes in the Abbey for cutting the Verger's braces as he did a celebratory cartwheel in the aisle, she seems to have developed sonar like, batish hearing.
She was apprehended last night on Tilbury Docks brandishing a huge rasp file whilst trying to even out the 4 teeth of the nice man, the VERY nice man who rescued Flimsy Julie, as she thought it would make him look more aesthetically pleasing. He obviously couldn't take anymore and was last seen making off towards the next ferry to The Urals. Flimsy had been persuing him relentlessly for over a week, poor little nice, very nice man.
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Lyn and ships will not go well together - she would probably cut all the lifeboats adrift just for starters, and heaven help us if she does manage to get hold of a cutlass. I still think the verger looked quite funny when attempting his cartwheels minus his braces - I thought Julie was never going to stop laughing! I heard some of her "knitted Royals" are being auctioned off on Ebay, along with Bea`s hat. Poor Eleanor, I don`t think she will ever get over Lyn vandalising her hair, not to mention her old faithful Tam o` Shanter - the scars do run deep. She has dreadful nightmares about it - while we were trying to sleep in our makeshift tent on the Mall she was constantly trying to ward off imaginary attackers. She only has to see a pair of scissors and it sets her off.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009
Posts: 2,127
Location: Thornton Cleveleys
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Scissors? Yesterday's news! Julie has sent me a pirate with a lovely brand spangly new cutlass I just love boats, nearly as much as my love of trains! Down to business. When's the auction for our little boat?
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 854
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oh lor! Maybe we should consider buying a train, is the Royal train in the auction?  That poor man. I have enough trouble with my teeth without Lyn and her cutlass. I was ashamed at the performance in the Abbey, as for the verger - no decorum! Mind you, I heard that a bumble bee managed to get into his posh trews once Lyn cut his braces.  My hair has never been the same Kathleen, but what about the herd of cattle that she 'trimmed' before roasting over the fire?
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009
Posts: 2,127
Location: Thornton Cleveleys
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Tough as old boots they were despite my fine cutting! Next time I have a BBQ I will choose the finest of Highland cattle and use my spangly cutlass to prepare only the best cuts for us all to enjoy  Eleanor, I am really sorry about your hair but as you know I really had no option but to give it a trim after you had got it stuck to your hands with super glue. Such carelessness  I do think newcomers may well be getting the wrong idea about me and my scissors ... and cutlass Julie, I have quite fallen in love with the pirate you sent me but he is missing his friends. He wants to know, if we are not sailing in the new ship soon, could you please send his friends along to join him ... oh, and a barrel of rum please Shiver me timbers (see I'm even learning a new language!) Where is Flimsy anyway?
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Julie is very busy knitting us all "sailor suits" for when we get the Ark Royal. She wants us all to look the part.
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,006 Location: Timperley
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Ahoy there, ship mates!!! I have managed to broker an amazing deal on the old AR. You each owe me £12.84. NO cheques please after last time. And before all the bickering starts again, I did NOT know Lyn was lying in wait for the postman. After she had trimmed his shorts she cut up all the cheques and posted them in his lunch box. It ws nothing at all to do with me.
Now. Insurance. Knowing how devastatingly bad Dor's driving is (think tea trolleys and Abbey) and bearing in mind that with one careless "left hand down a bit" she could take out the whole of Tilbury Docks - let alone one docking bay, I have signed us up with www.full fathomfive.co.uk. A bit pricey but well worth it.
I suppose we will have to let Kathleen be the Commodore. I have a feeling we will need that darned hat of hers when we are becalmed in the doldrums, and we all know how possessive of it she is. Julie is busy stuffing a parrott to attach to the gold shoulder whastsits she will have to wear.
Budgy will, of course, be our Q'master housekeeping. She will be responsible for crocheting and knitting anchorage ropes - the ones AR has at the mo are very dull and much too thick.
Eleanor is in charge of food - she will ensure a goodly supply of special cake.
Flimsy is in charge of the rigging - I knew we would need her special skills one day.
Please let me know when we should set off, and whether you have any ideas
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Oooh, I have LOADS of ideas - not sure I can actually print them though! I assure you Jean, that while I don`t mind being Commodore, I have no designs on grandeur - but I`d rather be called Admiral, sounds so much more nautical. Are you telling me I have to send another cheque? I wish someone would do something about Lethal Lyn - she`d give Edward Scissorhands a real run for his money. I do agree about Doreen`s driving - such a pity she mowed down Elton in the Abbey : he hasn`t sounded his usual self since. I think we should have lots of bunting and pennants flying from the rigging - we can have appropriate slogans printed on them. We could have a little flotilla of Eleanor`s pole-dancing ladies alongside - that should draw the crowds and provide entertainment. We need someone to practise doing a 21 gun salute fron the cannons too - not sure who we can entrust with that? Come on the rest of you - keep those ideas coming. We need to be ship-shape and ready to go by August Bank Holiday.
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,157 Location: Huddersfield
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Aaaarrrr, shiverrr me timberrrrs ! just practising.
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Just be careful whose timbers you shiver!!
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/28/2011 Posts: 956 Location: North Preston
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Hi. I feel like I am butting in here. I haven't a clue what you are all on about but it sounds fun. I would like to join in if anyone can give me a clue. Do I need to have sea legs? I've got a parrot and I'm sure we have a bottle of rum in the cupboard somewhere.......Hold on a minute.........Do I need to go through an initiation ceremony like walking the plank, splicing the main brace or just tell me to get lost if I am intruding.
Sheila x
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